Actual Bumper Stickers

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... ...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car....

Montana --- At least our cows are sane!

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

It's WORSE than you think, and they ARE out to get you.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be

Assimilated. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.

I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.

Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.

Bad Cop! No donut!

This acid must be good. It feels like I'm driving!

Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?