How to Deal with a Grouch

To take Umbrage in High Dudgeon
Needs a proper solid grudge on
And it doesn't really matter against whom -
There are those who take it always
In shops, or ships, or hallways
On death beds, or emerging from the womb!
For your genuine Curmudgeon
Wields each grievance like a bludgeon,
It's his weapon, it's his refuge, it's his staff -
He enjoys it when he's slighted
Kick his shins - he'll be delighted
Bump his elbow and you'll really make him laugh.

So to keep such person happy - here's the way -
Just make sure that you offend him every day.

Norah Boehme