Dave Rhodes (or get.arrested.fast)
Hi, I'm Dave Rhodes, and I'm in jail.Just six months ago, I was in dire financial straits. My car and house had been repossessed, my phone was disconnected, my family had left me, I had creditors hounding me daily, and I was on the verge of bankruptcy.
Then, I hit upon one of the most amazing schemes for making quick money that I had ever thought of. I would start a pyramid scheme and make it sound legal with some details about creating and maintaining mailing lists. It wasn't necessary to dream up anything too plausible, just enough to fool a significant portion of the population. I made up a reasonable sounding flyer and used a friend's computer to post it to one of the computer bulletin boards. I took out five post office boxes in different cities and made up four other names so that the first five contributions all went to me.
To say the least, the response was overwhelming. I was a millionaire overnight. You see, the way these things work, if everyone sends the letter to twenty other people, and those twenty each send the letter to twenty more, it doesn't take more than a few iterations before the recipient list includes everyone on the planet. Only the first ten or fifteen people ever see any money, and I was all of the first five!
The number of greedy people who use computers and don't understand basic math exceeded my expectations by several orders of magnitude. My original note was posted on many computer bulletin boards, including something called the internet, and response was overwhelming. Some of them didn't even have the sense to put their own name on the list!
As the money poured in, I thought my problems were solved for life. As it turns out, they were only beginning. I found out that the same geometric progression that made me rich had one major drawback. Since literally millions of people would see my message, the chances of someone reporting it to the police was a virtual certainty. As word got around via the same computer bulletin boards that carried my original message, more and more people complained to the authorities.
Soon, I was arrested and charged with fraud. My money was confiscated under the federal racketeering laws, so I could not even afford an attorney. Many of the first people to take advantage of my scheme were also arrested.
Still, my original message continued to propagate throughout computer bulletin boards everywhere. A substantial number of copies got sent through regular mail, which caused more and more federal charges to be applied to me and those early participants. In my own way, I have become quite a celebrity.
These days, I no longer have creditors bothering me, I don't have to worry about housing or basic necessities, I'm entertained, and I have a good friend Bruno who takes care of me. I have everything I really need, and although Bruno hurts me sometimes, I'm mostly satisfied with my life.
During her last visit, my court appointed attorney said that practically every day someone new was arrested for trying to participate in my scheme, even long after my own arrest was publicized. In this way, my original opinion, that there are enough morons in the world to make yourself fabulously rich, is confirmed again and again.
So, with this in mind, Bruno and I have started a small enterprise here in prison that you should know about. It requires only a minor expenditure on your part and can make you wealthy beyond your wildest dreams.
Please follow these instructions exac@#~s8
-`15ht@#&fge
LOST CARRIER
Ronald O. Christian, May 1996
If you enjoyed this, you might like: